Coming and going

Depression has a habit of coming out of the blue when you least expect it. I’m not happy in my current work situation, but have been holding onto the possible happiness of walking out of this job and into a new one with a few weeks, when out of the blue, I’m feeling down and low.  The area I’m working in wonderful, I’m eating healthier than I have in years, I’ve very little reason to be miserable, and not big enough reason to be as down as I currently feel. It’s my birthday in a few weeks, and yet again it looks like I’ll be spending it on my own.  I try to reach out to people to share the time with, but I’ve never been the best people person.  I might just stay home and drink till I pass out, which won’t take long with all the meds I’m currently on.  And now I’m sounding all maudling and sorry for myself and I really don’t want to be. I don’t want to be stuck in a downward spiral of negative emotions, but I don’t know how or what to do about it.  I feel like just giving up, but I don’t have it within me to do anything about it whether that’s good or bad I don’t know, I’m just tired of wallowing in misery and depression and self pity, especially considering how much better off I am than some people.  Oh well, best check my lottery results then, at least if I win the jackpot I can be miserable on my own but be able to keep myself busy / distracted.

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