Simply put, if you’re not attracted to someone, for whatever reason, you’re not attracted to them. How you deal with an approach for use of better words, determines whether you’re phobic or not. If you decline an advance and don’t act like an asshole about it ie “I’m sorry, you’re not my type / I’m not attracted to you”, that’s fine. If you say something nasty (and I can’t even think of anything to put here), the. You may be being an asshole and maybe bring transphobic. I was recently talking to a girl on a dating app, and she asked me would I date a black girl? I was appalled that she felt that question had to be asked in the 21st century! I told her that it wasn’t an issue for me, why would it be, but the age gap was an issue (I think she was about 20 years younger than me, so apart from making me feel old and like a paedophile, what would we talk about? What we do? If I’d have said she wasn’t my type, fine, if I’d said “I don’t date black people”, then there’s an element of racism there, and depending on what I say, an element of assholery, if that’s even a word.
this is a real-life exchange that took place between a lesbian activist, and a trans activist. the lesbian asked the trans “What’s the cotton ceiling?” and the following exchange ensued (if this is confusing in any way, its either my fault in formatting it, or its the fault of the trans for making such little sense in the first place. the lesbian was totally clear at all times):
From: [redacted lesbian]
Sent: March-10-12 12:04 PM
To: [redacted trans]
Subject: What’s the cotton ceiling?
On Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 1:27 PM, [redacted trans] wrote:
The cotton ceiling is a theory proposed by trans porn star and activist Drew DeVeaux to explain the experiences queer trans women have with simultaneous social inclusion and sexual exclusion within the broader queer women’s communities. Basically, it means that cis queer women will be friends with us and talk day…
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