“This disclosure to my teenaged daughter was a fierce Mama-Bear moment, sensing how dangerous it is for anyone — for her — to believe that there are some women who plan not to get raped, and somehow, by implication, some who do.”
I get how the last part of that sentence is phrased, by implying some women plan not to get raped means that some must, it’s a failing of the English language there, but I think most people reading will understand that it’s not meant to mean that, it’s just how you say things sometimes.
I’ve not been raped thank God, but I was mugged when I was 12 or 13 by a teenager a good five or so years older than me with a big German Shepherd dog (Alsatian). While I’m not trying to compare apples with oranges, that experience of the dog barking aggressively, the 2 punches to my nose after he backed me up against the fence of a housing estate left me terrified to leave the house for months on my own and with friends and family around me, I never admitted that fear to anyone at the time, I think my only saving grace of it is that my memory is extremely bad and like all experiences, it faded with time. I had just left my local church after a Sunday morning service and was literally 20 metres away from my aunty Dotty’s house, where I ran balling my eyes out as it happened. My mugger wanted money, which I didn’t have, I was 12/13, I had zero money to give, but he wouldn’t believe me. Unknown to me, I did have £5 in a sealed envelope for my parents as they’d won a church raffle that week, knowing that may have made my attack last less time (it seemed to go on for such a long time but must have only been a few minutes).
I blamed myself for not running, for not defending myself, kick him in the nuts, kick the dog, run as fast I could, shout my head off, I just stood there terrified and crying after each punch, and I felt the shame of that for a long time after, but it wasn’t my fault that I was attacked, I shouldn’t have any shame or guilt to feel for my attack, and no one made me feel those feelings. I was asked what I did and why I didn’t stand up for myself, but I was just too scared and didn’t want to make things worse by pissing him off. If someone who’s raped (and here comes the bad English again sorry), and they feel even half the fear, shame and guilt that I felt, then words just aren’t good enough to describe how angry and upset about that situation, and how much sympathy and support I would have for the victims (and I don’t want to use that word), of such horrific acts.
I want to live in a world where we don’t have to teach our children what to do if they’re attacked, because there won’t be people who attack others, but the reality is that there are some sick freaks in this world who don’t give 2 shits about how their actions affect others, and those people deserve ALL they get coming to them, and that makes me feel like a bad person, a bad Christian (yes I’m a Christian but I try not to be a judgemental arsehole like so many Christians can be perceived to be) for thinking those things, but we have to put the protection of people and society first. I don’t really care if the perpetrators are punished, they will be, just as long as they’re never able to hurt anyone ever again.
I would extend my sympathies to you for what you’ve went through, but I’m guessing you’ve had all that, been there and got the T-shirt, so I’ll just congratulate you, on the positive things you indicate you’ve done to help others that have gone through similar things. We ALWAYS need people that are willing to help others out.