I partly agree with you on this (if you know me then you can probably guess which parts). The problem specifically to Conchita Wurst, is that the media isn’t being consistent on how they refer to him / her (so I’m going to use female pronouns throughout, it’s just easier that way). Media that would be anti-trans regardless are referring to her as him and using a male name and references, other media are referring to her as a drag queen or transvestite, like I said, no one is being consistant (I usually trust the BBC to be the most factual, but they can’t decide how to refer to him / her either). At the end of the day, does it really matter though how you refer to her? I have drag queen friends who are the nicest people you’ll ever meet, and I don’t know how to refer to them when they’re out of drag, it’s a total mindfuck sometimes, I said this to one of them and he said “ooh just call me what you like”. I’d put it simply like this, if I misgendered you, call you he when I should call you she, how upset or offended would you be, whether I was being malicious or just making a mistake? I’d hope that you’d correct me if I said the wrong thing, and then you’d almost always get an immediate apology from me.
As for ftm transsexuals, you’ve stated a major reason why you believe they transition, and that may very well be true for a section of them, but only a section. We’re all different and have different reasons for doing the things we do.
Going back to clothes, Conchita Wurst was in full over the top ball gown type clothing, but you have to view that in the context of the whole show. The UK’s entry looked like she was wearing something that she’d shot out of the sky and it had just fallen on top of her. I don’t think any of the acts wore things that they would wear on a regular 9-5 weekday, Lady GaGa wasn’t part of the event though. You say that we should be able to wear whatever we want without judgement from others, and I agree with you 100% but then why do so many gender critical blog posters attack how transwomen dress? They’ll be comments on how you can wear this skirt those shoes plaster yourself in make-up and generally critiquing how they dress, while most likely, the person doing the critiquing is sat on their computer wearing a clothing style that was initially designed with men in mind, that just seems a little hypocritical of me, or to put it another way, as that’s really not sounding clear to me right now, criticising those you see as men for wearing stereotypically female clothing, while you’re wearing stereotypically male clothing, seems a little hypocritical to me, Fwiw, wear what you want as far as I’m concerned, it’s like the nursery rhyme goes, if you’re happy and you know it.
I intend to do an extended post about this on my own blog sometime this week on the above if I get round to it, but I would like to add this. Gender critical people will attack the trans community for upholding what they view as stereotypes of male and female dress / behaviour etc. We are but a tiny proportion of the world’s population, so even if you got us to do the thing(s) you wanted us to do, you’ve got a bigger mountain to climb with the rest of society, so it just seems odd to me that you’d pick a target that isn’t really going to get you anywhere. I could go out shopping tomorrow and buy a gold dress and sky high heels like Conchita, but if non-trans women weren’t buying these in the first place, they wouldn’t be on sale on the high street, as there wouldn’t be the market for them.
Sorry if that all sounds a little confusing, I have a tendency to ramble sometimes.